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Wednesday 6 November 2013

An open letter to 'Society.'



Dear Society

My son, Caidan, is autistic. I have long since accepted this and embraced it. His autism is as much a part of him as his brown hair. As much a part of him as his laugh. As much a part of him as his little toe which has no nail on it. Yes, there are other facets to Caidan that are not autism, but without autism he would be an entirely different child. I don't want an entirely different child, I want Caidan as Caidan is supposed to be and he is supposed to be autistic.
I really do not care whether Caidan's stimming is deemed as not 'socially acceptable.' I really do not care if his squealing in Morrison's bothers other people. I really do not care if his hand flapping and jumping up and down in Matalan bothers other people. Caidan is autistic, it is what he does.
What I do bother about is the fact that society (in general and not necessarily individually) expects my son to change his behaviours so that society doesn't feel uncomfortable. That bothers me a lot.
My son is autistic. 1 in 100 people in the UK are autistic. I say it is time SOCIETY changed it's behaviour.
Difference should not be frowned upon, nor mocked and it is certainly nothing to be scared of.
Everyone is different. Who says what 'normal' is supposed to be anyway? I have my own quirks and little idiosyncrasies, just as everyone has, and mine are not the same as yours, are they? So that means we are ALL different. So what is this 'normal' that society expects my son to conform to?

My son is autistic. I am determined that he fulfils his huge potential and I will do all I can to help him do so. What I WILL NOT do, is try and 'normalise' him just so society can feel better. Society sucks, let me tell you. Society is exclusive and inward looking. Society needs to buck up it's ideas and move into the 21st Century.

My son is autistic. I will not change him just to accommodate others feelings and sensitivity.
My son is autistic and society is just going to have to learn to deal with that.

I am not going to change my son for the world, but I am sure as hell going to try and change the world for my son and I will continue to do so until my last breath.

And you, Society,  are just going to have to learn to deal with that too.

Yours determinedly

Laura Henretty

16 comments:

  1. THANK you for verbalising that. You took the words out of my mouth. Both my Autistic boys are who they are, and if YOU don't like it then YOU change who YOU are!! xx

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  2. You made me cry! Thank you for writing this & for loving your Caidan so very much. I am a 73 y/o grandmother helping my single son raise his now 10 1/2 y/o dtr., who is an ASD child with NVLD. We've had her since she was 17-mos. old. She is in a wonderful place now, happy, bright, funny, kind, polite, quirky. It's been a long, sometimes grievous journey but one that has been worth every single effort, & she has worked hardest of all. People love her because, "No-one says 'please, thank you, or may I,' anymore." They love her because she makes them laugh with her right-to-the heart-of-the-matter sense of humor. They are stunned by where she is today because they know how hard she's worked to get here. But, most of all, they don't care or notice if she's quirky, it endears her to them. When she asks for a time out because she's stressed or about to become overwhelmed, they respond to her needs. They take into account her acute hearing, her aversion to scratchy fabrics, her difficulty with non-verbal communication. No-one is allowed to bully her any longer & she defends others. Your Caidan is a lucky boy, & you are a lucky Mom. Good people are going to love him just as you do, for who he is. Those who don't, won't be allowed to offend him. Again, thank you for sharing, & for loving your Caidan so very much!

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    1. Your granddaughter sounds like an amazing girl, and your son and you have done a wonderful job raising her right. You should be VERY proud! Thank you for your lovely words x

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  3. Omg Laura this bought tears to my eyes. I so agree with everything you said. I wouldn`t want Shannon to be any different than the beautiful, talented, loving, funny girl that she is ♥

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    1. And why should she be? She is perfect as she is x

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  4. Omg Laura this bought tears to my eyes. I so agree with everything you said. I wouldn`t want Shannon to be any different than the beautiful, talented, loving, funny girl that she is ♥

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  5. Thank you so much for putting this into words! It is so true! I wouldn't change Aidric for anything, he is my everything!

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    1. And nor should you be made to feel you have to x

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  6. hello,Laura. i get your blog.IT SAYS NO REPLY so hope you get this.I HAVE ASPERGERS,your son with autism DO NOT CHANGE,,,i take part in a lot lot research from universities,have results//if you would like to e.mail me please do
    have some chats.e.mailmkentdad12@outlook.com
    i am married 13 years.we have 2,boys and 1,girl. mark

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    1. I got your comment Mark, thank you!! I will not change him, I promised him and I promise you! Thank you for the contact details, I shall email you soon as I am interested in the research. Thank you!

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  7. Dear Laura, this text must be read by any parent dealing with autism. You just said it for us all, what it is in our minds and in our hearts, day in day out. None of us would trade our 'weird', stimming child for anyone else in the world! We surely don't need pity - we are happy and we know it!. We need acceptance and equal rights for our children. because we've done it from the moment they were born. Thank you for having said that so clearly, so loudly and so 'Laurenly' beautiful. Love ya. <3
    Fatima

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  9. Our son's grandmothers each have taken issue with his mannerisms in public places. MIL was dismissing his behavior as naughty boy stuff and casting worried eyes about a restaurant one lunchtime (son was almost 2) and our daughter was not quite 7. Our daughter proudly stood and told her, "He's not naughty, he's who he is and changing that isn't like changing a diaper! If you love him like you say, then love him." I cried.

    During a visit, my stepmom was annoyed and told us to, "Quiet the boy down, it's embarrassing! These are my friends!" Again, our daughter, my hero, stood (she was 9) and said. "Your friends accept your family but you don't. Wow, talk about embarrassing." [She had a wickedly sharp tongue when it came to her brother!]

    Thank you for the letter to society. How I long for our children to know community in the truest sense of the word.

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    1. Oh Fran, your daughter is WONDERFUL!! You are all lucky to have your son, but my goodness, how lucky is he too?? xx

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